In other news, if you didn't know already, Rosa Parks has died.

I was on the bus today and heard people talking about it. Of course, they were Chicken Little-ing about how all the great black leaders are dropping off this year, or something. "First it was Johnny Cochran, now it's Rosa Parks..."


I nearly spoke up. "Excuse me, did you just lump Johnny Cochran and Rosa Parks in the same category?"

Mr. Cochran, great black leader? Look, he might have, as most civil rights leaders did, started off with a good idea, equality for all races, but he turned into yet another black guy using the terms Civil Rights for his own personal gain. The OJ Simpson trial, and it's blatant use of the race card, made my stomach turn even as I watched it in middle school. I knew then that something wasn't right. I'd better stop commenting on this, since for the life of me, I can't find the books I've read that would back up this opinion at all....damned messy room...but I'll get back to this one, I promise. I've been keeping it inside ever since I heard the news of his death.


Now, Ms. Rosa Parks might have just been a working woman too damn tired to get up in 1956, but she did something that started a campaign that made a stupid wrong right, which in turn started a larger movement to get an even bigger stupid wrong righted. I went searching for more news and details about her life, but I found this quote of hers, and it works a great deal than me wanking on about stuff anyone could just look up.

“Despite its embarrassing and often pathetic history, America is still, by far, the greatest country in the world, no matter what color you happen to be.”

Amen, Mother Parks, amen. I wish more people would take that quote to heart, honestly.

I kknow now the secret to having fun at My Sister's Room when you go alone:

Get too drunk to care and dance with everyone not paired off.


Yeah, so I missed Cake...the rain plus the lightening scared me off, but I got to see the first two acts, who rocked balls.

I'll be back to Underground Rocks...I don't know when, but definitly when Garbage and Weezer play....and I'll be back for MSR's Kareoke Nights....fun fun fun....


Now I go sleepy...Can barely keep my eyes open and stuff....\sang a rather impressive tune to the cab driver,. though....can't rememger what the songs wjere that I song, but it ended in "ZMercy Mercy Me"....Daddy and Momma would be proud...

btw, a moment of silence for the (finally!) burial of Luther Vandross...the man's music was probably cause for a lot of people's births and marriages. Personally, I can remember "Here and Now" being played at my dad's second and third weddings, and weren't I one year old at the first, I would be sure that it, or any other of his songs, was played then...

Law and Order Star Jerry Orbach dies

I remember him as the best damn cop on my favorite fucking show, Lennie Briscoe(take no shit, and rather progressive for an old guy), and as Baby's dad in Dirty Dancing (a movie I'd like to forget, honestly) and the voice actor for Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast. So yeah, you've probably seen or heard of him.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I could be posting about my reaction to bigger news, like the Asian tsunami, but for some reason, this story is affecting me much more, maybe because it's closer to home...

Today was the memorial service for Spike, and as I predicted, I cried. I did a poem, okay, but "did" I mean I improv-ed it out of my head, because I'm not good at writing shit like this down. It's something i've always wanted to do, but wasn't drawn to it until now. A couple of people liked it.

I got to meet her parents. Wow, they're cool. Her mom was willing to come by and brave the house and bake us all brownies...

I did my best Quagmire impression as of yet("Hey Meg, you legal yet?")....as in it impressed my listening audience. It amazing what a sore throat will do to one's vocal range.

Tommorrow is International "Kiki, buy some fucking pants" Day, in which I do nothing until I've gone to the Salvation Army and purchase no less than three pairs of pants. I've been tired of wearing pants with unintentional holes in them for months.

But before the IKBSFP Day festivies, I intend on going back to that Einstein's and having my favorite breakfast special. I"m willing to give them one more chance.

Okay, so shit is kinda normal nowadays. After a horrendously long and messy crying jag (encouraged by Gonzo and jessejoe ), I ate regualar meals, slept normally, and have returned to the level of sarcasm and bitchiness that I'm used too. I expect to cry tommorrow, in fact I welcome it. I'm angry still, which is rather hypocritical of me, but I can admit that now. Which means I can deal with it.

There's a little kitten in the house. Her name is Spike and she's too cute for words.

I miss the human one, still. A lot.

In lieu of wearing my spiked braclet (and scratching up a lot of people by accident), I will tie on a few spikes onto my rainbow necklace. A rather fitting tribute to a fellow girl-loving gal, and I'm not too hazardous to hug-heh...

Wherever she is, I bet she's smiling....

Okay...it's done. My obligation to BBIF is done. I had a great time, but today is was so hard to keep that cheery mask up, it even fell off a few times, that I know I won't be able to hold up tommorrow.

I don't even want to go home yet...still don't feel like eating (don't worry, I am...today it was half a bbq chicken sandwich and half a pepperoni pizza slice, but then again, I was around people who were eating as well...)...still can't go for a moment without having a thought that makes me want to burst into tears...still can't stop bursting into tears...

I know, I know that this isn't going to be over anytime soon, but damnit...I don't know how to deal with something this painful...I've never had to before...and not having a plan makes me nervous and scared...

I did something completely selfish.

I went to the first day of the Black Box Improv Festival.

And I had fun. A lot of fun...a screamingly good time...

And I had a really great time with someone that really likes me and wants to get to know me (and means it in the best way).

I even have a bit of an appetite for the first time since yesterday morning...

I'm torn between going to the viewing and the second day of BBIF...I know that I have to keep my routine in order to get better and over this, and I have obligations to BBIF, and I've been around enough fellow mourners (which is already overextending this whole empathy thing beyond its limits), and that if I'm going to continue mourning, i'd rather do it in the company of close friends, and that the very concept of a viewing sends me into trembles, and I want to remember her the way I see her in my head right now and not in a casket or urn or whatever.....but I've got this guilt thing that is still eating me up.

Luckily, no other car has signed up on the board to go, so this is moot point...I'm glad that people from the house are going. I will send my condolences through them...and improv my freaking heart out tommorrow.

I'm awake...I managed to sleep a little...talked with Ben until the wee wee hours of the morning...couldn't get through that without another breakdown...I have to prepare to slap on a happy grin for a bunch of strangers all day today.

and now, I sit and wonder "How am I going to make it through today? What 'step' in the process should I be on right now?"

Then I realize that there is no set time for the process to take place. And that angers my heart-place, and frustrates my head-place.

Georgia had a point last night. She'd kick all of our asses, one at a time, if she saw us like this. Or she'd just shake her head in that disticntive way and laugh.

I think she's probably laughing at us now.

oh (insert random name of diety-space here), help me...

..so, i'm here at the house...and i'm glad i'm here...

Everyone's in different stages of mourning, and it feels so good to be around people who are feeling the same way as I.

Everyone talks about the "process" of mourning, but I"m not sure where I am right now. I still feel guilty, but I just punched the punching dummy thingy because I was so pissed off. I couldn't even try to be of any help at DramaTech today; I burst into tears twice on the way there and once when I got inside. And I haven't eaten a thing all day...

It's taking a lot of strenght to just type this post and not crawl into a ball and scream until my voice worsens.

Sorry, no real point to this post at all....keep moving...